i am but a dog

cowbellguy:

Hand jobs and blow jobs are called jobs because they’re tedious and dicks are gross. Going down on a girl is called eating out because it’s a privilege.

ayothewuisback:

White peoples’ definition of racism is hurt feelings, instead of what it actually is, and that’s systematic destruction of an ethnic group. Understand that, and then you’ll understand why racism doesn’t “go both ways”.

batreaux:

You bump into a man on the subway wearing a trenchcoat. You apologize and he responds “Its alright. We’re only human. All of us. All of us here are human. Yep. Very human. I’m probably the most human here! You betcha.” and then the trenchcoat falls and the figure collapses and roughly 1000 salamanders scatter around the train 

thugmissus:

xemkgx:

do not fall in love with people like me.
i will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. i will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. and when i leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

image

asuperfluousman:

The best proof that the State has replaced God is that no one notices when you declare God doesn’t exist, but friendships are ruined if you say you don’t “support the troops.”

demon: i possessed you
me: get the fuck out
demon: damn...aight...rude ass bitch...i just need a place to stay my girl kicked me out and i aint got no money...
me: shit man, you can stay but don't be spinning my head like an owl and shit